Monday, June 4, 2012

Expectations and disappointment

How often do we not derail our own hopes and dreams with unrealistic expectations of self or others? We as a species have a myriad of expectations. we expect recognition if we've worked hard. We set deadlines for our goals, whether it be graduation, that promotion, a raise, that last ten pounds to lose, when to quit smoking, when to get married, when to start a family, when to own a house, when to start our own business, when to earn large family which will afford you the mansion and the expensive car.

We expect loved ones to treat us in a certain way. We want professional peers to regard us in a certain manner. We expect wishes and presents on our birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, whatever day. We expect sympathy and concerned questions when we walk into a room and we KNOW that we look as horrible as we feel. We expect to be congratulated if we come bearing big news. We expect to be comforted if we feel sad.

Essentially we want to prescribe to the world how we want to be loved and treated without really  saying it out loud. And then those expectations aren't met, those deadlines aren't met and we crack. We end up feeling disappointed, unloved and unworthy. We start doubting ourselves and we start to talk ourselves down. We start to develop self esteem issues, as well as trust issues, because we've been disappointed and hurt too often. We start being scared and avoid risks, be they in life, work or love. We think that the risk is too high so rather not take it and then never experience disappointment. 

THAT life is a life I do not want to live. I would rather accept that others may love me in different ways than I would have envisioned, and then if I want something specific I'll open my mouth and express my wish. I will not have deadlines anymore! Yes, goals will always be there, but I will not cripple myself anymore if a certain goal was attained a little late than initially thought. If I feel that I need a hug, I'd give one first and then comfort is received all round. I would stop talking down to myself and lift my damn head again. For years my biggest point of pride was that I had no regrets, and that I could always look myself straight in the mirror. This past week I experienced regret, but I need to forgive myself right now and look myself in the eye again, for if I don't love myself, I can't expect others to love me in any way.

Point is, don't you think that if we expected a little less and did a little more and simply enjoyed life and it's twists and turns and surprises that we'll all be a little happier and content? That is what I wish for myself, and for others.

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