Re-surging motivation

Hey there everyone.

I know that I have been missing for a while, and I apologise. I wasn't really motivated to blog as I wasn't really motivated to give my hair the 110% it needs and deserves. I have been in a rut as well as quite busy at work. My hair hasn't been feeling great, I feel like I need to get rid of about an inch as well. There have been days where I felt like cutting it all off and starting this whole hair journey business all over again from scratch. See, I just was not in a good place to blog about my hair.

The past couple of weeks I've been in London for a training course, and managed to find a whole lot of products that I've only ever read about, that aren't available in my country. I went a little nuts, to the point that I had to pay for excess baggage when I checked in for my flight home. Primarily due to all the new goodies I am now again looking forward to washdays and trying out new styles and following my regimen the way it should be followed.

The next few posts will thus also be a lot of experiments due to all the new products in my bathroom. Of course I focused on conditioners and deep conditioners and leave in conditioners, buying only what is unavailable in Namibia and focusing on products that fellow bloggers have raved about and that are almost universally loved by the hair blogosphere. So, 2015, or at least the next 6 months of it, is going to be all about new experiences with the tresses. I'm looking forward to sharing my experiences with you.

First things first though. Either today or tomorrow I am going to trim my ends. Nothing major, but my ends are really ratty and thin and awful and they need to GO. I'm planning to do that via a full wash and rollerset, with brand new shears.

Until then, have a great Monday!

Sunshine Blogger Award

So, I have been nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award!! I love these! It encapsulates the randomness that is me and parts of this blog. And I love talking about myself so there's that, lol.

Shout out to Yvette of Hard Mashona Type, thank you oodles for the nomination.

Now, there are a number of steps that must be followed in the accepting of the award, the first being to tag the blogger who nominated me (see above).

The second would be to share 11 random facts as requested from Yvette, and here goes:

1. Which countries have you been to?

Well, I'm not as well travelled yet as I want to be, but I have been privileged so far to have been to The United States, South Africa, Malawi and my home country of Namibia. Germany and England don't count as I have only ever seen the insides of their airports. I am going on a little Eurotrip later this year so the list shall be growing in the very near future.

2. If you were a member of the opposite sex for a day, what is the first thing you would do?

This question is DEEP! Well, I already have a very masculine energy for a girl so there's a quite a lot that would take up my day - I would be the fly on the wall and ask my male friends all the questions that they would not answer if a girl asked it. But the FIRST thing I would do??? Pee standing up!

3. Which languages do you speak?

English and Afrikaans, the latter being my mother tongue.

4. What is your favourite social media platform?

To browse - Pinterest. To interact - Facebook. To rant and rave - Twitter.

5. How did you and your best friend meet?

Through mutual friends on the social scene.

6. If you were having a dinner party and could invite anyone, alive or dead, who would you invite?

This is not easy. Well, I could answer with the usual responses of Nelson Mandela, JFK, Ghandi, MLK, Bill Gates, Oprah, but that has been done to death,it has actually become a bit trite. SO, at my dinner party would be my real friends and then I would add to the mix Emma Stone, Jennifer Lawrence, Miles Teller, Rihanna, Theo James, Dylan O'Brien, Jon Stewart, Robert Downey Jr, Melissa McCarthy and Mike Shinoda from Linkin Park. THAT would be a PARTY!!!

7. Dogs or cats?

Both, but right now I have none. I don't have a yard and I will not subject any pet to apartment living.

8. Favourite form of exercise?

Dancing. But when I am actually working out, I like to mix up a bit of cardio with weight and resistance training.

9. What food do you have to be forced to eat?

Uhhhhmmmm...nothing. Okay wait, I'm lying. I DO NOT eat tripe and offal. Other than that - bring it on! Food is good. I like food.

10. If you had an unlimited budget, where would you go for your next vacation?

Unlimited budget? I would do a tour of the fashion capitals of the world and go on a shopping spree! I'm talking New York, Los Angeles, Paris, Milan, London, Tokyo. Of course whilst in those cities I would do more than just shop, I would do EVERYTHING else as well. And then to rest I would go to Santorini, Greece and lie on the lily white beaches for a week or two before returning to reality (with a whole new wardrobe and couture galore!)

11. If you won the lottery, what would be the fist thing that you spend, invest or donate it on?

Honestly, if I won the lottery tomorrow the very first thing I would do is scream my head off, take out my bestie and party like a crazy person. THEN I would pay off all of my own debts first, and then I would send my folks a big chunk of money so that they could cover what they want to. After that I would buy myself a new car and then I would go house hunting. Property is ridiculously expensive in Windhoek, Namibia, so buying a house would definitely be VERY high on the priority list.

There you have it folks!!!

The next step is to nominate 11 other bloggers worthy of recognition. Here are my nominees:

• Bee of glamlushhair.blogspot.com
• Melissa from haircaregy.blogspot.com
• Neisha from www.neishajo.com
• Andrea from www.lengtheninglocks.blogspot.com
• Tomi from http://tomesedition.blogspot.com 
• Candice from myhealthyhairdiary.blogspot.com
• Southern Girl from http://www.pecanpieandpincurls.com/
• Harlem from http://harlemhhj.blogspot.com/
• Lydz from http://crowningglorymine.blogspot.com/
• Jackie from http://adventuresofanappychica.blogspot.com/
• Jas-Sherese from http://lengthylovelylocks.blogspot.com/

And the final step is to figure out 11 questions for each of them to answer. Here goes:

1. Your favourite song at the moment and why?

2. TV show that you would recommend to anyone to binge watch?

3. What injustice in this world makes your insides burn with rage and sadness?

4. What is your hidden talent?

5. What is your guilty pleasure?

6. Describe one room in your dream home - remember money is in abundance in this little architectural fantasy. 

7. What was your personal motivation behind the decision to go on a healthy hair journey?

8. Who is your favourite Disney princess?

9. What is your favourite city in the world?

10. How long is your hair right now and what is your ultimate hair length goal?

11. Who is your favourite Avenger? 

ENJOY!!!

PS Anyone else who feels like taking on my questions, you are MORE than welcome, I LOVE getting to know my readers and fellow bloggers.

Being me - blog tag

Hey there y'all. 

Yep, it has been a while. And for that I apologise. With my twists now out I will be updating more often though. For some reason I wanna talk more about hair the minute I am personally dealing with my hair more. 

But that's for another post. Right now I'm gonna tell you a little more about me and my craziness. Thank you so much to the fabulous Candice from myhealthyhairdiary for the nomination tag!

1. Are you named after someone?

Nope, not named after a person. However, I'm technically named after a Robin bird that came to sit on the window sill of my parents' bedroom when my mom was expecting me. the bird appeared and then I gave a swift kick and she saw it as a sign to name me Robyn . 

2. When was the last time you cried?

About two weeks ago, I had a very stupid fight with a friend, and when I'm THAT angry, the tears flow. 

3. Do you have kiddos?

Nope, not yet. It's still just me, myself and I. 

4. If you were another person, would be a friend of yourself?

I would like to think so. Although I think two of me would be a bit much for the world to handle, lol. 

5. Do you have a guilty pleasure?

The Facebook game "Criminal Case". It's the only game on Facebook that I play and it is awesome!

6. Do you like handwriting?

Not really. My handwriting doesn't stink but since finishing law school, which included 4 hour handwritten exam sessions, I appreciate the fact that I don't have to do it any more in general life.  

7. What's your favourite cereal?

Honey Cheerios. Hands down!

8. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their eyes and their smile. When I officially meet them, their handshake, it tells me a lot about what kind of person they are. 

9. What's the colour of your eyes?

Depending on my mood, my state of health, the weather and my make-up, they range between chocolate brown and hazel. 

10. Scary movie or happy endings?

I love scary movies, especially if watching it on a date. Because then I get to act like a girly girl and bury my face into his chest, lol. But I love scary movies in general. I don't mind happy endings, I've just become a bit sceptical about them...

11. Favourite TV shows?

Scandal, Suits, Game of Thrones, Grey's Anatomy, Supernatural, Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Teen Wolf, Revenge, How I met your Mother, Almost Human, Intelligence, Friends, House, Bones. Oh wow, that's quite a few!!!

12. Summer or winter?

SUMMER! I'm a summer baby after all. On the other hand, I LOVE winter fashion. 

13. Hugs or kisses?

Kisses. Long, lingering, passionate, intense, breath taking, consuming, knee buckling kisses! (Friends and family get hugs though, lol)

14. Do you have any special talents?

I can see a romantic relationship happen between two people whilst they're still in the "we're just friends" denial phase. I can't see how long it will last, I can't see if it will end, but I can see it start before they even realise that they're nuts about each other. 

15. Where were you born?

In Kimberley, South Africa. Literally surrounded by diamonds. 

16. What are your hobbies?

Playing board games, reading (a LOT), going to the drags (I love cars and I love the races), stand up comedy and having good times with my bestie, which could range from goofing off to karaoke to having deep conversations over vino. 

17. Do you have any pets?

Nope. Although I would love a kitty cat once I have a bigger place. 

18. Favourite movie?

Independence Day. I'm a nut for action movies. And I can watch THAT one over and over again. Also currently LOVING all the Marvel movies (Iron Man, The Avengers, Thor etc)

19. What colour is your car?

Burgundy red

20. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Happy. Career wise I'm doing what I wanted to be as a kid, and that's law. But when I grow up, what I want to be most is happy. 

I hereby nominate:

• Bee of glamlushhair.blogspot.com
• Melissa from haircaregy.blogspot.com
• Neisha from www.neishajo.com
• Andrea from www.lengtheninglocks.blogspot.com
• Yvette from hardmashonatype.blogspot.com

Enjoy ladies!!!

Looking good versus being healthy

Hola there everyone.

Is anyone looking forward to the long weekend as much as I am? I dare ya to be as excited as I am! Not as if I actually have things planned, except RESTING and being lazy. I'm taking a mini vacation - going to my childhood home, visiting my parents and actually resting and recharging my soul and tired bones. I'm also looking forward to actually showing to my doubtful mother how successful in my journey I have been thus far.

As I told y'all on Monday, I will be protective styling for the week, up and till I get twists installed and go into intensive long term protective styling mode. I am more than 17 weeks post and I am working my damnest to make sure that I don't experience unnecessary breakage and shedding. Last night I braided my hair into 6 cornrows after moisturising with my Amla Legend 1001 Oils Wrap Cream and this morning I pinned up the resulting braidout.

As anyone can see, the kinks from the braid out isn't very pronounced, but my hair has a nice body and shine and my new growth is stretched and blended nicely with the relaxed length.

And that is what I want to talk about - today my hair IS healthy and it also LOOKS good. And up and till a few years ago I did not know the difference.

Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

A million years ago, as a law student at the University of Stellenbosch, I lived in a res by the name of House Erica. We were about 190 young women living under the same roof, and this is where I had my first experience regarding true sincere female relationships. It is also here where I realised that I've got a bit of flair when it comes to hair styling. Within a matter of months I had my hands full styling my friends' hair. Nothing fancy, but I could do a roller set, a blow out and curls to the straightest of white girl hair. I knew how to make hair LOOK good. At the time though I had know idea how to keep hair HEALTHY. During this stage of my life my hair was relatively healthy though, but it sure as hell wasn't because I was consciously looking after it, it was a happy coincidence from soft water, a constant high humidity which kept my hair moisturised naturally, a tendency to only relax my hair during the holidays when I'm home with the folks (thus I was stretching without even knowing it) and the fact that I have roller set my hair religiously since I was a kid.

Today, after scouring the hair blogosphere, after researching countless articles on how to keep one's hair at its healthy peak, after embarking on my healthy hair journey, I know what I must do to keep my hair healthy, especially considering that me AND my hair are a bit older and the environment and climate I live in now is not as conducive to one's hair as that of the lovely Western Cape. I know now that healthy hair practically automatically looks good, but that a good looking style does not necessarily equal a healthy head of hair. I know now that one's hair doesn't have to be straightened to within an inch of death to look good. I know now that styling comes secondary to caring. And I know now that I am still able to style hair, but in a much healthier way. I wish that I knew of healthy practices consciously years ago. At the same time, thank God I know them now!!!

Tomorrow is a public holiday here in these parts and I'm heading home to my mama's house. I am going to drag her to the shops and show her what staple products I use on my hair. I will show her which ingredients in hair products are more harmful than others and I will explain to her why I do what I do when it comes to my hair. Just because one has walked the wrong road for a long time, does not mean that anyone or anything is preventing you from turning around and taking another road. That philosophy applies to life, and right now I'm applying it to my hair. Thank heavens that I turned around and started taking care of my hair in order to get it healthy. Because now, as it is HEALTHY, I don't have to stress about it looking good. Because the healthier the hair is, the less and less often does one experience a bad hair day.

So, what is anybody planning for the weekend? (Lol, yes, mine is starting in 2 hours!!!)

Be blessed, and happy growing!!

I hit 5 digits!!

Today is a happy day for me! According to the statistics of blogger, my blog has received more than ten thousand views!! Considering that I blog to keep tabs on myself and sometimes to just record what I have been doing to myself and sometimes to put my vision boards out there, it is amazing that people actually read all of my random ramblings!

To all my followers - I see you, lol! And thank you!

To the lurkers - I know y'all are PLENTY. Especially over in the US of A. Thank you for taking an interest, much appreciated.

Herewith I promise to continue to be a little crazy, a little hair obsessed and totally random!

Blessed week everyone!

PS How come over a third of my readers are American and less than 10 percent from my home country Namibia? I'm just wondering...

Hindsight has 20/20 vision

Hey there y'all!

I want to tell you a little story, actually provide you with a tiny bit of personal history. Many many years ago (okay, it wasn't that long ago, but it sure feels like it) I was elected as a prefect to my high school. Now, to any of my readers not familiar with the concept,  prefects are also referred to as hall monitors, student representative council members, learners representative council members etc etc. Basically we were a group of 20 seniors who assisted the teachers with discipline in the school, as well as fund raising attempts and school spirit events. Anyhoo, once elected, once the initial euphoria has worn off, there is one day that every newly elected prefect dreaded - initiation day! Initiation day is very much comparable to hazing, but to be honest it was loads and loads of fun.

The day before our initiation day we were informed to bring to school shorts and a t-shirt that we do not feel particularly sorry for. On the day we were summoned to the Phys. Ed. changing rooms and had to change into said sorry ass clothes. We were then blind folded and led across the school yard. Do not ask me where everywhere we walked, I do not know to this day. Kindly note that the rest of the entire school was a raucous audience to our "shame and humilation". We were dunked in the school fish pond (yep, still blind folded) and then fed some gross stuff, ( I can totally do Fear Factor!!) and then stuff was thrown on our heads whilst we were standing in the very hot, unforgiving Keetmanshoop summer sun. Specifically, an egg or two were cracked over our heads, cooking oil was poured over our heads and syrup - sickly sweet golden syrup, amongst others. Of course this mess was all over my hair, as well as dripping over my face. I was a HOT mess when I got home. My mom would not let me in the house, her words - "Go hose yourself down first! Here's a towel!"

So I trotted out to the lawn and started hosing myself off (thank heavens I was wearing a bathing suit underneath those nasty clothes!) Of course, the mess that was my hair needed much more than just the spray from the gardening hose. Once acceptable to my mother's standards I entered the house and jumped in the shower. I cannot remember what products I used, but be assured I did the "lather, rinse and repeat as needed" routine a few times!! Back then I didn't even know about deep conditioning, I just applied LOTS of conditioner after finally getting my hair clean and chilled with it for about 5 minutes before rinsing and roller setting. My hair felt good once out of the rollers and I didn't think much of it, I was just happy that I was clean.

Fast forward to the next day. Our initiation continued with a fun day, which included activities like potato sack races and 3 legged races, new prefects versus the old prefects. Now, I looked around at the other girls, and noticed that a lot of them still had oily, nasty looking hair. Some girls did a wash and go, but the curls were lanky from the oily residue. Others looked stiff. Looking at pictures from that day a million years ago my hair was fresh, shiny and positively gorgeous. And I never quite knew why...until now.

Now I know that hair likes protein, and eggs contain a lot of protein. My hair unwittingly got a protein treatment on initiation day. Secondly, hair loves hot oil treatments and oil rinses in general. Sunflower oil contain ceramides, which is excellent for hair as it prevents moisture loss. That day my hair unwittingly got a ceramide rich oil rinse. And lastly, golden syrup contains molasses as its primary ingredient, which adds moisture and sheen to hair. Essentially, I got three nice treatments on initiation day without even knowing it. Looking back my hair thanked was in an excellent condition for about two weeks following that day.

Now that I remember all of these wonderful things, how am I going to use that information in the future? I now know that my hair is a little protein sensitive and I have enough protein conditioners in my arsenal, so I don't think that I'll be grabbing the eggs just yet. But, that big ole bottle of sunflower oil in the kitchen that almost never gets used - THAT bad boy is moving to the bathroom, and shall be incorporated into hot oil treatments and oil rinses and prepoos. What's even more great - sunflower oil is dirt cheap, especially compared to my other oils that I've been using, which is coconut and olive. I am actually looking forward to my next wash day just to have a go at the sunflower oil.

Anybody else have had good experiences with sunflower oil? Holler at me!
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Have a great Tuesday everybody!

Transition thoughts

Hello there boys and girls. (hhhmmmm, I wonder if boys actually ready any of my posts...)

First of all, let me just say that I'm biting the bullet and this afternoon after work I am going to the salon and have braids installed, although I think I might actually go for the single twists. Regardless I'll be in a long term protective style for about two months. Currently I'm 14 weeks post and thus will be doing my longest stretch ever thanks to the intense protective styling. It'll be my first time since I embarked on this journey and I shall be diligent to continue caring for my hair whilst in braids. If I keep them in for a full 8 weeks, I'll be 22 weeks post when I take them out and thus comes the million dollar question - what then?

I have been having random thoughts of transitioning to natural for a couple of weeks now. My new growth has been behaving, I've been able to nurture it without driving myself crazy, and last night I looked at it and I swear, I saw a curl wanting to form. So, I've started researching transitioning (because I am so NOT brave enough to do a big chop) and the info out there is quite encouraging. I have experienced major bouts of fro envy lately looking at the gorgeous naturalistas around me and after seeing that suggestion of a nice curl, my head is leaning a little towards making the switch. IF I DO, I will be a long term transitioner and I can see myself employing long term protective styling like braids to assist me and to prevent me from manhandling the two different textures on my head.

I'm not making any decision yet, nothing is set in stone. Who knows, once the braids are out I might be reaching for that ORS box at the bottom of my closet. I have been relaxed most of my life and it's what I know and comfortable with. At the same time at least once a day my brain says to me"what if we go natural? That could be cool right?" Since this is a journey I felt that I needed to express where my head has wandered to and ask ya'll...what are your thoughts on transitioning? Any tips out there? Any tips on how to come to a decision? I don;t want to do anything that's going to hamper my current progress regarding health and length. So, what do y'all suggest??

Have a great Thursday y'all. Just one and half more days to go and it's the freaking weekend!

10 random things about me - blog edition!

Good morning and hopefully happy Monday y'all. How was everybody's weekend? I swear, I need an extra day between Sunday and Monday, I still feel tired after Saturday's shenanigans, which consisted primarily of a nice birthday shindig of my friend Remi. Again, happy birthday dude!! 

In any event, this morning as I went down my blogroll I came upon this post by Blutiful Blaq and I thought that it's a great way to start off the week blogwise. So here goes, ten random facts about me:

1. I'm a night owl. If I could find a position where I only have to come in to work by nine in the morning, but I can work as LATE as I want, I would be a happy clam!! I HATE getting up early, it is the bane of my adult existence. 

2. I used to play the piano, and I want to do it again. My parents still have my old piano from when I was a kid. I'm looking forward to the day that I have a house big enough so that I can ask them if I can have the piano at my place, then I can start playing again. 

3. I re-read books and re-watch movies. I have no qualms reading or watching my favorites over and over again. Some movies I know so well, I can recite the dialogue!! 

4. Yes, I'm a nerd. And a BIG one. And I don't care. When I was a kid it was disconcerting being a nerd. I mean, no one wanted to be one, and I was teased and bullied for being one. As an adult I embrace my inner nerd. She ALWAYS wins at board games, heehee. 

5. As big a nerd as I am, I'm pretty damn good dancer. Even though I only discovered my rhythm at the ripe old age of 19. I busted my ankle a couple of months ago and have since not really been on the dance floor, and am thus looking forward to the day that I can break it down again. 

6. I love gaming. In my perfect world I would own every gaming console known to man!! Currently I have a Playstation 2, and am eagerly awaiting the relase of the PS4. Not to buy it, but because then the PS3 will be available for a steal! 

7. Related to the above, I'm a sucker for a bargain. Also, I sniff them out! I hate the idea of paying more for something than it's actually worth. I love end of season sales and second hand stores. 

8. I cannot survive without coffee. I don't really care if it's instant or really fancy brewed coffee. Just know that I need coffee. When I was in high school, I easily polished 5-6 cups a day. As an adult, I limit it to 3 cups, but yeah, I cannot go through a day without a cuppa joe. 

9. I like salty snacks, not sweet. Give me biltong over chocolate any day of the week!!!

10. I regard my closest friends as family. They're my sisters and my brothers. They are there for me as I am for them. Even if it simply means coming over with a bottle of red wine to hash out the day. And I love them all very much. 

And there we go. If you didn't know, now you know! I tag all who read this - tell me a little someting I don't know. 

Have a great week everybody. And blessed living!

Never underestimate personal time

Life is a rat race. We've all heard that one right? We've all spoken the phrase. We've all thought that we were traped in a cage and running on a little merry go round, always busy, seemingly not getting anywhere.

The truth of the matter is that life is what you make of it. If you feel that you are constantly stuck in the ratrace then that is exactly what you will continue to be. If you see your current situation as simply your current situation and a step to the next phase of your life, then that is exactly what it is.

Now, we all have goals. Goals with regard to our education, our careers, our home life. We break them up into smaller goals that fit into the big picture. Smaller goals like reading at least one non fiction book every couple of weeks. Bigger picture - self enlightenment and continued education. Smaller goal - get your driver's licence. Bigger picture - the independence of having your own car and driving your own ass around. Smaller goal - get up ten minutes earlier in the morning, and not be late for work again. Bigger picture - bargaining power come promotion time. Smaller goal - visit an art gallery. Bigger picture - enlightenment, education and widening of horizons and taste. The point is that in general we are so focused on what we WANT that we tend to forget what we NEED. We forget that we need to actually get a good night's sleep. We forget that we actually need to eat a balanced diet. We forget that we actually need to spend time with our loved ones. We forget that we actually need to take some time out for ourselves, be selfish and just do us for a change. We are so focused on what we WANT (money, prestige, status, THINGS) and we neglect what we NEED (rest, rejuvenation, love, friendship, TIME).

This past Sunday morning I realised that time, such a precious commodity, is the one commodity that we spend extremely recklessly. I have dark circles under my eyes, because even when I tell myself that I need to get to bed early, my head is still so filled with all the things I want to still do and achieve and get that I roll around for hours instead of bloody SLEEPING. My skin is not happy with me, because I can't remember the last time I cooked myself a decent supper, as I'm so tired after the day that I simply don't and either consume junk or a cup of soup, which is not healthy. I realise that the one thing I need most is a way to utilize and manage my own time in a better manner, so that at the end of the day I actually get proper rest and eat proper meals.

As part of my realisation on Sunday I decided to use the day to give myself a very nice, long, relaxing wash day. I started with a an hour and a half coconut oil prepoo treatmen, again utilizing the plastic shower cap. I followed this with my Protein Feed Moisturizing Shampoo (lathered twice) and instant conditioned with Pantene Moisture Renewal Conditioner. I then lightly blot dried my hair and then deep condtioned with ORS Repleneshing Pak. Oh, how I have missed this DC!!! My hair soaked it up. I covered my hair and then watched about two movies, letting the DC do its thing while I relaxed and put my feet up. I then rinsed the DC, following this with a cold water rinse (YOWZA!!) and then applied my leave-ins of Avon Moisture IQ Moisturizing Leave In Treatment and Kair Serum and proceeded to roller set. I left my hair to air dry in the rollers, which took a good 3 hours. I took out the rollers, applied coconut oil to seal in the moisture still in my hair and then wrapped my hair and climbed into bed.

What I've observed about this wash day - my hair needed protein!! The breakage I experienced as week or so ago has practically stopped completely! My hair feels soft but strong. I realized once more that balance is required through out one's life. I will thus continue to practica balance - at work, at home, with my friends, with my family, with myself, and lastly, with my hair.

Have a great Monday everyone! Blessed living!

At the end of it all...it's all about habits

Hello there everybody. Y'all over the hump yet?

Excellence strives forth from people who have healthy habits, habits they don't break. It's not a compulsion, it's a routine. They get up an hour earlier, or stay at the office an hour longer. They do extra research. They run an extra 5 minutes on the treadmill, they are punctual, they eat their vegetables and drink 8 glasses of water a day. They read every word on a report and they remember it. These are habits, and the people who are most consistent are the ones yielding the most favorable results.

Now, when it comes to a hair journey, the first I get asked is "how do you do it?" and the second thing is "what do you do? Honestly, when I started off on this sometimes crazy little yellow paved road, I did a LOT of research. What struck me most is that the ladies who have been yeilding the most favorable results are the ones who have their regimens and routines down pat! The second thing that I noticed about these hairlistas, is that they are very careful with regard to product choices, taking into account the ingredients and each component's effect on their hair. So, all of them are little scientists at heart and I took that with me as I set off to the beauty supply store.

And man oh man, did I turn into a product junkie!! I bought and tried everything! If it was part of the ORS line last year, it is part of my stash. I read ingredient labels, I figured out what they meant, Blackberry and Google always at my fingertips as I stroll through the isles. I could not enter ANY store and not check out what they have to offer in the hair isles. I think that I did become a little obsessed, but then again, obsession is simply passion sans knowledge and experience.

As time moved on, things became simpler. I became a bit more aware of what I am DOING, as opposed to what I'm buying. I realised that I could have the most brilliant conditioner on earth, but it would not matter diddly if I did not apply it carefully and properly to my entire head of hair, root to tip. I realised that I could have the gentlest shampoo on the planet but it would matter squat if I shampooed my hair like the girl in those Herbal Essence commercials. (Remember those?? If y'all don't, I'm giving away my age here, lol) All that would accomplish with my 3c/4a hair is a lot of matting, knotting, tangling and ultimately breakage city. I could have an arsenal of amazing products and it would be money down the drain if my HABITS weren't hair friendly.

So, you may ask, what habits have I formed since the start of my journey which have assisted me in retaining length? And in my humble opinion, my best habits so far are the following:

• Sleeping with a satin wrap, satin scarf and satin bonnet, sometimes all at the same time. Material like cotton and linen, found in most beddingclothes are NOT hair friendly. They zap moisture from the hair, leaving it dry and frayed, and NOT pretty. If push comes to shove, go to a fabric store and get yourself some on sale silk or satin and make your own hair covers for bed time. The worst habit I kicked was sleeping with an uncovered head.
• Moisturizing and sealing on a regualr basis. It is the simploest thing you can do. I simply spritz my hair with a water and cheapy conditioner mix and when it's sliglty damp, seal with coconut oil. Then I wrap them up (I'm not a fan of reversion) and chill like that through the night.
• Getting a wide tooth comb. I'm planning on getting a comb with even wider teeth, that's a bit of a rake. Wide tooth combs are our friends, especially when it comes to detangling. Smaal tooth combs WANT to rip the hair right out of your skull, so personally, I avoid them like the plague.
• Protective styling. Thank you Ebony!! Even though the challenge is finished, I still pin up my hair, french plait it, basically protect it. it is now officially a habit.
• Wash day is MY time. Whether I decide to dedicate 2 hours, or 12, it's MY time, and I make it very clear to everyone. The reason that it is MY time - your hair does not thank you if you rush through the wash day process. I mean think about it!! Pre-poo(at least 15 minutes after application of oily conditioner mix) and detangle, rinse, shampoo, rinse, instant condition, rinse, deep condition (no less than 30minutes!), rinse, airdry for 10 minutes, apply leave in, detangle, roller set (which takes me 45 minutes these day, having so much MORE hair) and then wait to dry, sometimes using the dryer on cold setting to help it along. THAT is a LOT of effort, and must thus not be rushed. If rushed, you will regret it later.
• BE GENTLE! I think the biggest habit I've gotten into is being gentle and not trying to force my hair to do thimgs it doesn't want to do.

One of the biggest thigs I've learned is that I must LISTEN to my hair and realise what it needs. At the same time, building up these hair healthy habits have made me go from ear length to full shoulder length in a little over a year. Soooooo, at the end of it all, it's all about HABITS.

1st year anniversary coming up!

Tomorrow is the anniversary of my healthy hair journey, exactly one year since I started taking care of what grows out of my head and blogging about it. So far the journey has been rather remarkable. My hair is longer than I can remember it ever being in my adult life. I've gotten into an actual routine and regimen regarding my hair. I've had to learn new methods of roller setting due to the fact that I'm dealing with more hair than before. I've been educating myself on not just techniques on hair care and handling, but also on hair care products, the ingredients they contain and how some aid you in your journey and how others are detrimental to your goals, hopes and dreams (well...where your hair is concerned at least). 

I've come to realise that there are people that don't give a flying donkey. They don't really want to hear you blabber on about what you did on your last wash day and how you wanna try out a certain product. They however always notice the progress that you're making and they knock on your door when they need some hair advice of their own (which I'm always willing and able to dish out, lol). 

I've also learned that there will always be naysayers and haters, and they are the worst! The ones who discourage and demoralize you. I've learned that  have to shut those negative voices and negative energies OUT. I've learned that I can't allow myself to be discouraged from WHATEVER road I'm on, whatever journey, whatever goal I'm focusing on. 

And I've come to know some excellent cheerleaders, girls doing the same thing I am, ladies walking the same road. Some are WAY ahead of me, some are right next to me. But all know the heart break of a setback, of breakage, of a bad cut or a bad relaxer. All know the joys of an extra inch at the next length check, of added body and volume, of filled in edges and healthy napes. 

It's been a year, and so far, so good. I'll make a point of doing an official length check before the end of this week (which also means doing my ONE and only heat pass for Longing4Length's Protective Styling challenge) but I believe that I can actually claim that my hair has grown from ear length to shoulder within that time. 

This is to say a big thank you to everyone who has supported me so far,  which includes all my friends who have sat through ramblings about hair products, regimens and the latest news from the blogosphere, and of course also all the ladies who's blogs have inspired me so far this year. It's been one hell of a ride so far, with greater things to come. 

Have a great Monday everybody!!

Closure...and wash day frustrations

I think it truly is a great moment when one realizes that a certain chapter of your life can be officially closed. It's that moment of clarity, of starting to know exactly what you want and what you don't want. They say an old flame never truly dies. I say that "they" are wrong. This past weekend I experienced closure after spending time with someone from my past. It was both a revelation and a relief when I realized that the spark is gone, and to be honest, he wasn't even that big a part of my history, but if I didn't spend time with him again, I think I always would have wondered. It gave me peace regarding the other, bigger parts of my history. If I can achieve such comforting and final closure in this instance, then surely I can achieve it with another, and I pray that one day soon I'll be able to send him light and love and move on, closing the book on what today I still regard as a bit of nuclear meltdown. Regardless, I am happy knowing that I can achieve closure and have a much clearer view of myself and what I want and what I need. 

In other news, I am charging full steam ahead in the protective styling challenge. Today specifically I'm wearing my hair pinned up in a 50's inspired fashion, trying my best to have every end tucked away. I must say, since I have bangs, I need to find protective styles that also tuck away and protect the ends of my bangs as well, without me looking like a 15 year old girl. Also, I am going to attempt to manipulate my hair as little as possible during the extent of this challenge, as I'm still experiencing breakage and shedding to a degree that I am not comfortable with. Yesterday was wash day, and with the amount of hair I lost, even though I was being sooooooo very gentle, I wanted to scream. Quick recap of wash day:

• Pre-poo and deep conditioned simultaneously, using the ORS Masque. It's extremely thick and has practically NO slip, so as I applied it, I also sprayed my hair with my water and conditioner spritz mix. That helped me to distribute the masque more evenly and gave it much more slip, so detangling was much easier and I lost very little hair in this process. I covered my hair with a plastic cap and a cotton scarf to try and trap as much heat as possible and sat with it for about an hour.
• Shampooed with Protein Feed Moisturizing Shampoo, focusing on my roots and letting the runoff take care of the ends. 
• Conditioned with the Protein Feed Moisturizing Conditioner, detangling my hair, being as gentle as possible. Experienced more shedding than I'm comfortable with. Seriously contemplating incorporating more tea rinses into my regimen. 
• Rinsed and then applied my ORS Replenishing Conditioner. I swear, this is a true staple. I absolutely LOVE it. My hair always feels great when I use it, whether I condition with it for an hour or for ten minutes. Yesterday, I kept it on for ten minutes and my hair still felt amazing after rinsing it. I will ALWAYS have it in my hair care arsenal. 
• Put in my leave in's of Avon 3D Rescue and Bone Strait and proceeded to roller set. I had to spritz it continuously as my hair dried very quickly due to the heat we've been experiencing. I left my hair to air dry whilst in the rollers, which took less than three hours. After removing the rollers, I put in some Kair Serum and combed my hair into a pony, tucking the ends into the scrunchie and went out to do some errands. When I went to bed, I simply wrapped my hair with my satin scarf and bonnet, as it still felt moisturized enough and I thought additional moisturizing would superfluous.  

 Okay, maybe that recap wasn't that quick, lol. In any event, I am looking forward to finding new ways to protect my hair and to retain length. I'm 8 weeks post now and I want to see a clear improvement in retention by the time of my next touch up. I am kicking everything into high gear now. 2013 is a new year and nothing's gonna break my stride. 

Have a good week everyone!

On our way to the 2012 Jazz Festival

We are moments away from going to the 2012 Windhoek Jazz Festival and every year it has been a roaring success and soooooo much fun, and I highly doubt that this year would an exception. The greatest thing about the festival is the combination of good music, great friends and being out in the open air. 

Today I need to state that it's the God honest truth that all things happen for a reason. I thought that a year and a half of my life has been wasted, but I realize now that I had to go through that experience to learn things about myself and about life that I never knew of. I learned that I have an amazing temper, the kind that people tremble before. I have also learned how to control it and how to determine when and where it is appropriate to flip my script. I've learned that just because someone says they love you does not always make it true, even when you feel love for them. Sometimes the sad simple truth is that they don't even know what love is. I learned that I am sometimes susceptible to change my behaviour in my quest for happiness, but I've also learned that changing who I am for the sake of someone else is never the answer, and that I would simply lose myself in the process. I've learned that it is not that easy of a task to find yourself again, but it sure as hell is not impossible. I've learned that true friends stick by you, no matter what, and that fair weather friends are many, and they are fickle. I've learned that happiness resides within oneself and that one must not look to someone else to make you happy, nor should anyone burden you for their happiness. At the end of the day I learned that life is what you make of it. 

Now to get back to the Jazz. If I was still in that train wreck of a relationship, I probably would have gotten into an argument to go to the biggest festival in town, and now I'm free to support my friend and have an awesome time. So yeah, I'm happy, truly happy. 

Have a great weekend everyone!!

History and being conscious of it

You are who you were...

The choices and decisions that you have made in the past directly affect who and what you are now...

One cannot be angry at someone else or blame circumstances for the life that you are living. Yes, some things are out of our control, some things we must leave to God and the fates, but we are in so much control, but we relinquish that control so easily, we are scared of the responsibility attached to it. We fear having to OWN who we are and what we do. And as adults it is exactly what what we're supposed to do. 

For example, I am not where I wanted to be at this age in my career. I'm still doing grunt work, while many of peers are in management already. I'm still the office gofer, while my peers in my field are becoming partners in their respective firms. I still live in a tiny bachelor's apartment, while others are buying property. But I know that nobody caused my current circumstances but me, and I own it, for I have had experiences that quite a few of my peers have not. I have traveled more, I have seen more, I have experienced more. I annoy the hell out of my friends sometimes when we're watching a movie and then I suddenly shout out "I was there! I saw that place up close and personal, it was so cool!" 

At the same time I am now very aware that the decisions I make today WILL affect my life tomorrow, and it can be across the range. Party a little too hard on Friday equals feeling like absolute horse crap on Saturday. Spend too much money at the beginning of the month equals being ridiculously broke 2 weeks before pay day already. Eat too much over lunch equals feeling bloated afterwards and probably also gaining an extra pound or two. Skip the gym too often equals not losing that extra pound or two. Not working hard equals pissing off your boss and putting your professional career in jeopardy. Not studying hard enough equals poor marks which puts a dent in your academic career. 

Like Einstein said, every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and thus I believe that we must become much more conscious of our daily, weekly, monthly actions instead of blaming and shaming everyone else. Your LIFE is YOUR responsibility. Even if things happen that are beyond your control, what IS in your control is how you handle it, how you react to it, how you deal with it. Even if it means simply acknowledging that BS is happening and that you'll get through it somehow, such as the fact that I expect service from a service provider, and I expect quick efficient service especially if I iterate  that it's urgent and I needed it done yesterday. Yes, it's not really fair to put pressure on someone due a delay caused by something out of your control. But it is fair to expect courteousness and understanding. And I didn't get it. I could jump up and down, stomp my foot, become a nasty human being who's never going to get anywhere with this service provided EVER. Or I can smile, say thank you, walk out with head high and then blow up his superior's phone. I opted for the latter, and my blood pressure thanks me.  We're entering the weekend and I refuse that some stuck up bureaucrat spoil my day or my weekend. 

Now, I will end this by turning this entire life reality towards hair care (this is after all partly a journal chronicling my hair journey). What one does today, will be evident tomorrow. I had a thought earlier about how my mom took care of my hair as a kid and what the hell happened after I moved away to varsity, the differences in our approaches and the resultant effects. And I realised that my mom had some good practices, which I could replicate a bit now as an adult, of course altering it a little bit, and some I have already. Heat usage is minimal, roller setting is the norm and a good slippy conditioner is a staple. What I can reincorporate from my childhood would be more low to now manipulation hairstyles and gentler detangling. (Yeah, I struggle with it a bit more now that I actually have longer hair to deal with) What's new now which I never did as a kid is pre-pooing, deep conditioning and daily moisturizing, all of which I'm going to amp up, as I want luscious hair sooner rather than later. 

There is NO easy way to reach ANY goal, whether it be in life, work, play or even your hair. What I do now will be evident tomorrow, and thus, I plan to, in all areas of my life, be more conscious of my actions and decisions, as I truly want the BEST life I can have. 

Entertainment and relaxation - how, where, what?

Good morning everybody. and the good vibes keep on flowing. Life is good, spring is on the way and I'm enjoying a yummy sandwich :-)

Yes, I am going to talk about entertainment, and the fact that it is necessary regardless of age, gender, social class or background. Yes, the prior mentioned can have an effect on what types of entertainment each and every individual prefers, but at the end of the day the point is that everyone needs and deserves a little play time.

I have always been a very social person. I loved clubbing and bar hopping, house parties and frat parties. As long as I was around people I felt as if I was in my element. As the years have moved on my preferences have changed. Instead of bar hopping, I visit one pub/restaurant on the regular. Instead of clubbing I go to concerts and independent film showings and comedy shows. Instead of crazy house parties we now have dinner parties and barbecues. And I still love every minute primarily because of the people I enjoy it with. (Friends give you wings, not Red Bull)

I do however live in a small city and unfortunately the options aren't very varied for those younger in years who would find the dinner parties and stylish pub excruciatingly boring. The clubs aren't what they used to be (part of the reason I don't go to a club often anymore) and there are precious few options if you're actually looking for something to do during the day. No bowling alleys, no mini golf courses. No public library (not for the past few years due to "renovations" in any event) and no gaming arcades. So...these limitations exist and what happens? Teenagers and young adults recreate Project X, consumption of alcohol and drugs run rampant among the younger generation (good grief I sound old) and a sense of hopelessness descends.

The truth of the matter is that EVERYONE needs to be entertained and needs to be able to relax in whatever way they choose. What is crucial though is that the choices need to be expanded. Essentially, how can you know what you like if the only choices you have is (in your mind) sit at home or go to a club/pub/bar and (most probably) drink? How can you know yourself if you're not aware of the other options beyond that which you've never tried? People allow themselves to be limited by their own lack of imagination and sense of fun, and I believe it's largely because of our consumer driven lives, our need for instant gratification, our need to be given instead of us giving.

So, where am I going with this? First of all, if you focus on everything else BUT how to truly relax, then you don't know how, and you'll probably die of a heart attach before reaching 40. Being a workaholic is not a pretty sight, and you're not the only one who suffers.

Secondly, entertainment and relaxation isn't dependent on  going out and spending money. One of the coolest, most relaxing and most entertaining days of my life happened a few years ago, when me and a bunch of friends were sitting around the house on a Sunday. We just finished watching a movie and felt a little bored. Of course going out was out of the question, it was a Sunday afternoon, so the options outside the house were even fewer. So we ended up playing hide-and-seek. A bunch of ADULTS playing hide-and-seek for a good few hours, and it was SO much fun. That night I slept like a baby and the next day had a GOOD Monday at work, no blues to speak of. My point - playfulness is NOT reserved for actual children exclusively.

Thirdly, I'm part of the generation that is bringing the new generation into the world. I'm surrounded by weddings, pregnancies and toddlers. I go to kiddie birthday parties and baby showers. Essentially I believe that my generation should start filling the gaps that exist today with regards to entertainment so that our kids, when they become teenagers don't feel the need to turn to stuff we didn't even dream of when we were their age. We're the generation who can reteach our kids how to play outside and hide the gaming consoles and how to use their minds. So that they don't feel stifled by their lack of options.

Lastly, we need to rethink how we relax. Personally, I have experienced a bit of a reset the past couple of weeks. I started reading again, and ferociously. Two trilogies in a matter of 2 weeks. Of course I still went for a night cap at Garlic and Flowers, and I still attended parties, and I LOVE my sanity sessions with my soul sisters, but I have fallen in love all over again with my first love - books. And I have been sleeping better and feeling better and lighter, and essentially less stressed and more RELAXED.

So what was YOUR first love? Playing sports? Music? Books? Lying in the sun and getting a tan? (Yes, sometimes just being plain old lazy is all the relaxation one needs.) What makes you sleep better at night? What slows your heart beat and removes the anxiety? How do you entertain YOURSELF when you're ALONE? What is clear is that we need to rediscover ourselves and know ourselves, and thus know how we need what we need and in what measures we need it.

An aftershock of note

I have considered myself to have been moving on. In fact, I have been feeling rather good about my personal progress, avoiding carrying a grudge and acknowledging any feelings which may come over me so as to not have those feelings crush me. I have been getting back to my life, and I have put my priorities back in order. I have been feeling happy again.

Unfortunately, certain people have the emotional range of a teaspoon, and a bent rusty tea spoon at that, turning to devices of carrying grudges, exacting revenge and slanderous comments and rumours about yours truly. I am still so shocked at this that I have not truly reacted to it, not really. I do feel the effect of it though.

A terrible fatigue has enveloped me since this morning, even though I slept like a baby. I feel tired and my limbs feel incredibly heavy. My hair is pinned up, but honestly, it doesn't look as put together as always, and today, I don't really care that much. It's protected, so it'll survive. My eyes barely stay open and instead of racing across the keyboard, my fingers feel as if they're filled with lead and every word is a struggle to get out.

This has nothing to do with the fact that the relationship is over, but it does have everything to do with the fact that one can still be shocked and hurt by the other's actions in the aftermath. The main quake has subsided, this is an aftershock, which registers quite high on the damn Richter scale. How could you spread such vicious lies?! You kiss your mother with that mouth? How dare you put my career in jeopardy?! Did you ever care at all? Or was it simply an obsession, as I rightly suspected during the finishing stretch of the "relationship" in any event? Have you always been this warped in your perception, or was I just a blind fool who did not want to acknowledge that I'm sleeping with the ENEMY???

Now here's the sixty four thousand dollar question - what did I learn from this? I learned that looks can be hella deceiving. I learned that you can never truly realise how unhinged someone can be. I've learned that I need to listen to my gut at all times. It speaks louder than my heart and my head combined, it speaks truth. I've learned that rules are there for a reason and are not to be broken. Yes, at heart I'm a rebel, but look what breaking my OWN rules got me??? Never again. I've learned, more than ever before, that friends are wonderful and a blessing, existing in many different guises. I've learned that, if in doubt, DON'T!! I've learned that I can handle the pain and that I'm stronger for it. And I've learned that when something seems to good to be true, then it SIMPLY IS. I've learned that prayer gives me strength. And I've learned that I am not responsible for anyone's happiness, nor am I the pack rat who must carry someone else's baggage. Last, but not least in any way sense or form, I've learned that one cannot reason with a narcissistic, chauvinistic, unhinged, controlling, possessive, jealous megalomaniac. Even when you see the good in them, the bad WILL start to outweigh it, they WILL be found wanting at the end of the day, and your heart WILL be broken. so, don't even try. Recognize and RUN!!!! I know I should have...long before now...long before this.

Pretty little liars

We pride ourselves on being honest and open, about people getting what they see and that they should not have unreasonable expectations. We make it clear that we are flawed and that we make mistakes. We also make it clear that change will not happen at the drop of a hat and definitely not at the instance of someone else. We believe firmly that change comes fro within and not because someone else wants it.

That's all GREAT. And also a BIG, FAT lie! Because we are liars. We are so adept at lying that we believe our own lies. Someone asks us how we're doing, we smile and say that we're good. And we believe it! We feel happy, and we laugh and joke with colleagues and friends. We put in a bit of effort to look as good as we feel, by putting on some make up and looking after out hair and making sure that our outfit for the day is cute and coordinated. We then proceed to float through the day, believing that we're floating on cloud 9.

And then it happens. Everyone knows it the minute it happens, and IT is different for everyone, it is unique to YOU and your personal circumstance. And immediately you snap, as if someone put on a light inside your brain and you recognize the lie for what it is and you see the truth standing next to it, smirking at you. You feel your smile drop and your brow furrow. You feel a slight hitch in your throat and a minor shortness of breath. It's as if a Dementor came across your path and sucked the cheerfulness and energy out of the f-ing day!

Now the trick is to then actually be bloody honest with yourself, acknowledge the truth, so not allow it to simply stand and smirk at you. and then DON'T go and shove the truth back into a dark corner!! Actually drag its ass into the light and DEAL with it. Yes, you can't deal with all your issues in one go. Yes, if you've been hurt, the pain doesn't simply disappear. Yes, sometimes life is just to hard to actually stare it in the face. But then for how long do you think you can continue to live the lie before attempting a short drop and a sudden stop??

Stop living the lie. And now I'm confronting MY truth.

Yes I'm doing better. But NO, I'm not 100 percent yet. I realized it when I saw my former engagement ring in a store front window. In a matter of a split second, a myriad of feelings, both good and bad washed over me, and almost dropped me to my knees, a cloud suddenly blocking out the sun. My saving grace was recognizing the truth and dealing with a bit of it at that very moment. As I walked down the street I cussed under my breath, and shouting in my head. My face probably looked homicidal. Now, an hour later I have my breath back and the frown across my brow has relaxed, but it's not gone. But it's an absolute necessity that we must be honest with ourselves and refuse to live the lie. No, I'm not going to be a bloody Moaning Myrtle, but I will not be crippled by the truth again, I will not allow it to catch me unawares again.

That's the only way I will actually be okay.

I caught the bouquet!

I know, I haven't been here in a minute. To be fair, nothing interesting happened regarding my hair. and I've been nowhere near a PC for a few days. However, I did partake in the celebration of a blessed union, and I did it without having a mini break down. My cousin got married this past weekend and it was truly an occasion to remember. And I mean in every sense.

The decor was superb, the food was amazing, the DJ knew what he was doing more than half the time, (which is good, I've been to many weddings where the DJ had no clue) there was an open bar (!) and it was held at the spectacular Namibian coast, the desert air crisp and clear and chilly. I still need to negotiate with my photographer dad for some pics.

It was a beautiful wedding and an amazing reception, but what amazed me the most, which I have not seen before, was the bridal couple being some of the last people to leave the reception hall. They danced with everyone, they chatted with everyone, the bride led the conga line!! They had fun and truly celebrated their union.

Yes, it is true that I'm wrestling with the idea of commitment (again!) but it did put a smile on my face to see these beautiful young people commit themselves and their lives to one another. Witnessing this almost gave me new hope regarding the topics of love and relationships and commitment and monogamy and all that jazz.

And then of course, the irony of life (if nothing else, God has a wry sense of humor) - I caught the bridal bouquet, something that has never happened to me before. Some say I should see it as a sign. Right now all I see is the funny twists and turns the paths of my life are taking these days, but I smiled and I enjoyed the moment of victory.

On the topic of hair, I did a roller set, wrapped it and wore my hair out for the wedding. The roots experienced a hell of a lot of reversion (cold, damp, coastal air) but for the most part I looked cute through out the night in my purple. pink and grey ensemble. When I got home, thoroughly exhausted, I simply wrapped my hair and passed out. The next morning I just moisturized and sealed by spritzing clean water and using a silicone serum to seal and then bunned my hair. By the time I got home to the dryer interior the reversion from the previous 24 hours was gone and my hair still soft and manageable. Next wash will either be a minor one tonight before heading out to dinner with my closest girlfriends, or a major one Saturday morning, which will include a long coconut oil pre-poo and a nice long DC with a heated towel while I watch Supernatural.(Hello there Dean!!)

Until next time, have an awesome hump day!!

My personal zombie apocalypse

The past 72 hours I have been walking around in a daze. Yes, I'm doing what needs to be done, I talk to people, I go to work, I eat 3 meals a day, I take my showers, I moisturize,seal and wrap my hair. But I am on auto pilot, because if I truly turn off the auto pilot and retake the reigns at this very moment, I might crash the damn plane.

Everyone has experienced heart ache and heart break. If you say you haven't, then you've never opened yourself up to anyone ever before, and you've never fully risked before. Well, I smashed down walls, with a massive sledge hammer, I broke rules as if they weren't there for a reason, all in the name of love. And after risking it all, the bookie came to collect. And I'm left with what feels like a zombie apocalyptic wasteland. Every now and then something shakes me out of my reverie, and I feel myself losing breath, as if running from the monsters chasing me, my blood rushing in my ears and my heart beat pounding in my throat. Before I can stop myself tears stream down my face and I start feeling as if death has his icy grip around my neck. But thanks to the fact that is not my first rodeo I quickly grab the proverbial shotgun and start shooting those zombies in the head, my sole focus keeping myself together long enough to get to a safe place.

I thank the Lord for the soldiers who fight beside me, the women who pass me another tissue, or another shot of Jagermeister. The friends who listen while I ramble at a mile a minute as if this has never before happened to anyone else. My mother who knows that for now the topic is off limits if I am to hold on to my composure. The colleagues who already know the different looks upon my face that I experienced the intense fear of not making it. I thank the Lord for all of these superstars who support me without coddling me, for if it were not for them, I might have been turned into a full fledged brain craving zombie myself already.

Essentially, I can't even think of the future right now, just attempting to think beyond tomorrow bring on the cold sweats. My focus is getting through today. If I can survive today, tomorrow might be easier.

It's true, your feelings are powerful!

We've all been there. We've read The Secret and listened to the Teachings of Abraham Hicks. We have heard how positive thinking can uplift your spirit as well as your circumstances. If you're sick, think healthy. If you're hungry, visualize that awesome meal and before you know it, someone will invite you to dinner. If you're struggling financially, don't focus on it, and you will receive in abundance. Do not speak of what you don't want, speak of what you already have and are grateful for and of what you desire to come as if you already have it. And then FEEL the gratitude, love, joy, happiness that goes along with that desire being in your life.

I have perfected that kind of thinking in certain areas of my life, but today I realized that I have been a fool,  because when it came to the big stuff, my head was filled with negative thinking. I was selective in using the Secret and applying the power of Attraction. My relationship hit some major bumps in the road,and it would not have if I just re-tuned myself onto a more positive frequency ages ago. Yes, it takes two to tango, but one person's energy can greatly influence that of his or her partner, I know that now more clearly than ever.

I know of a loved one who's finances are a mess, and they stress about it all the time. Mine are a mess too, but I try to not focus on it, and yet, I am always provided for. I have a roof over my head and food in my belly every day. But still I have not filled my mind and heart with the good positive feelings of already having that, and thus every month I still feel a bit of a struggle instead of receiving in abundance.

My career is not where I would have wanted it to be, but I focus on the fact that I KNOW that I am on the road to greatness and legend, and thus my job is not a chore, but a joy. However, I still have moments where I cuss myself for not making different choices years before and thus I deprive myself of the true joy that I should be feeling to be advancing more rapidly within my career.

And lastly, the point that made me realize how true ALL of this is - my hair journey. Yes, it seems trivial to some, but hear me out. I have been in a negative space for the past week or so. Yesterday I had a major wash day, putting in ALL the effort and time. And at the end of it all, I felt that my hair lacked shine, luster, movement and I could see that I have experienced some hectic breakage and shedding in just the past WEEK. And so I realised, my negative feelings have been SO powerful, that it affected me physically, specifically regarding my hair, which I take more notice of since starting my HHJ.

And THAT's where my epiphany originates from. I can't be positive and think positive selectively. I can't say that I can ALWAYS find a parking space in a crowded mall parking lot, but then I'm negative about the amount of money in my wallet. I can't be positive about my weight loss but then be negative about the condition of my skin. I can't be positive about my car (which I LOVE to drive) but then be negative about my flat. I can't be selective when it comes to changing my life!

Personal Monday directive: change comes with one step. That step for this week - SPEAK only in a positive manner. The mouth runneth over what the heart is full of. If I can control what I say, I can control what I think, I can control what  feel. Point is, today is a new day. And I wish to experience the best of this day, every day.